The Ungrateful Adoptee

Seven months ago, March of this year, what were you doing? I was trying to cope with the fact that suddenly BOTH of my mothers are dead. Seven months ago, March of this year, what were you doing? I was coming out of an all consuming blinding fog of denial. I don't claim to have been fogged like the "I'm so happy, life is so perfect" adoptees are, but I had my own special version. I actively ignored it. Any reference to adoption was refused admittance. It bounced off. The fact that Dexter was a foster child; on Friends, Monica and Chandler's gleeful hunt for a newborn or Phoebe's surrogacy, Sons Of Anarchy and their baby farms, the Blacklist, This Is Us, etcetera. The endless stream of baby-collecting celebrities... I literally didn't allow it to connect. The cord was too short and the plug wouldn't reach the wall. Even when asked about it, I would proclaim it didn't bother me and didn't matter, all the while loudly humming the theme to &quo

The truth is a harsh mistress who spares no one the wrath of her convictions. She minces no words and allows no subterfuge. She doesn't care about your feelings or what you think of her. She holds everyone to the same exacting standards. Only standing with her are we all equal. And the only people who take an issue with that are those who fall short of those standards. Those who choose to live lies. I live in the truth. It is not pretty, soft, or comfortable. It's hard, cold, and unforgiving. I am constantly assaulted by facts I'd rather not see. Emotions I'd rather not feel. Truths that are so invariably ugly that some days I wish I could be blind again.I wish for the comfortable, woolly brainwash that goes along with "adoption is a beautiful thing".  Really, do you think I ENJOY knowing what I know? Do you think I like having to defend myself against the irate attacks and verbal abuse I get daily? From FELLOW ADOPTEES WHO FEEL THE WAY I FELT ONLY SIX MON

HAPs won't listen. No matter how many times, how many ways, we say it, no matter how obvious it is. They won't see it. They won't see how wrong they are, how selfish. How consumed with their own feelings, their own 'needs' they are. So desperate to parent. So desperate that they'll pay $40,000 for a stranger's child. They won't listen when we speak, the adult versions of the children they're so desperate for. They belittle and demean when we tell them adoption is wrong, it's a for-profit business that steals our identities. They attack and dismiss when we tell them biology matters. They become violently verbally abusive when someone has the gall to suggest that adoption is not a 'loving choice'. Because they are so self-centered, so completely consumed by the idea of being parents that they are physically unable to focus their eyes and minds on anything but the prize. The 'gift of you' life is supposed to give them. They behave

Inability to accept a universal truth does not render it false. Closing your eyes and refusing to admit the tree is in front of you won't stop you from running into it. I can now say with definite certainty that the biological imperative is real and not to be belittled or diminished. Sense memory is real and palpable. Family is NOT about love. Family IS about DNA. DNA does, in fact, matter, regardless of what any adoption agency, counselor, or adoptive parent might tell you. These are lies they tell to obscure the realities of adoption and to make it more palatable. Some of them actually believe it. We didn't grow in their bellies, and this "growing in their hearts" nonsense is absolutely insufficient. DNA matters. The connection to and from DNA matters. We don't have to love them. We don't have to like them. We don't have to have contact. The connection matters. Families are fucked up. Your sister hates your brother and everyone only tolerates mom. Da