The Ungrateful Adoptee

The focus of adoptionland is skewed. There are too many focusing on adopters and relinquishers. Too many treatises on their feelings, wants, and needs, even on the middle of passages supposedly written for us, adoptees. Adoptees need to remember how hurt everyone else is by their relinquishment. We need to be gentle and deferent because of their incredible loss. Don't ever forget your rejection of your adopters as an infant and (in my case) small child. Don't ever let it slip your mind how much pain you've caused your poor adoptress. All she wanted was her own child! Don't forget all the suffering she had to deal with before you were even born (seeing as how that has *so much* to do with you as a person). Don't forget about all of her grief, infertility, miscarriages, dashed hopes, sadness, and endless needs!  She wasn't thinking of you when she adopted. She was thinking of herself. You need to remember and respect how sad she was, and how lucky you are that s

I understand. I scare you. The truth scares you. Your pain scares you. And more importantly, perhaps most importantly of all, my pain, OUR PAIN, scares you. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to ban and block. To a degree, it's okay to talk shit about me. We're all adults. Do you know what's not okay? Trying to shut me down. Trying to silence my voice. Trying to cut me off from my comfort, connections, and freedom. The constant neverending petty target on my back. The barrage of abuse in my inbox and the constant reporting and harrassment. I don't report you, because, unlike you, I have actual work to do. There are too many Adoptees out there who lack a voice. They think they're alone. They think they're crazy and the only one feeling this irreparable, undefinable loss. They don't understand why they feel what they do, or that they're allowed to feel that way. They're brainwashed. They're damaged. They're wracked with guilt becau

No. No, you really don't. Non-adopted person, listen to me and listen good. You do NOT wish you were adopted. If you knew what it feels like to be adopted and aware, you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy. Adoption is trauma and abuse of a voiceless infant. Whatever the circumstance, we are torn from our families and thrown to strangers. We scream and protest until we are quite literally broken. And we carry that break in us for the rest of our lives. I'm just going to assume that those of you who wish you were adopted percieve yourselves to have been abused or mistreated in some way by your family. Funny, I was abused and mistreated by my family too, and I WAS adopted. Beaten? Me too, and I was adopted . Verbally abused? Me too, and I was adopted. Molested and raped? Me too, and I was adopted. Sounds pretty well the same to me. Until you add in the distinct disadvantage of developmental trauma. Until you add in massive loss and fear of abandonment. Until you a