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Get A Bird

HAPs won't listen. No matter how many times, how many ways, we say it, no matter how obvious it is. They won't see it. They won't see how wrong they are, how selfish. How consumed with their own feelings, their own 'needs' they are. So desperate to parent. So desperate that they'll pay $40,000 for a stranger's child. They won't listen when we speak, the adult versions of the children they're so desperate for. They belittle and demean when we tell them adoption is wrong, it's a for-profit business that steals our identities. They attack and dismiss when we tell them biology matters. They become violently verbally abusive when someone has the gall to suggest that adoption is not a 'loving choice'. Because they are so self-centered, so completely consumed by the idea of being parents that they are physically unable to focus their eyes and minds on anything but the prize. The 'gift of you' life is supposed to give them.

They behave as if they're owed a child. They act as though it doesn't matter where the child comes from (and let's face it, to them it doesn't matter until traits of our contemptible biology begin to manifest). They can't stand our biological parents and think they'll be able change our genetic dispositions with 'love'. They resent our bio's behavior... but what will they do when the child of those genes manifests their real family's predispositions? They can't stand adult adoptees who don't pat them on the head and tell them how wonderful they are... what will they do when their 13 year old adoptee looks them in the eye and screams, "I hate you! You're not my real mom!" and it's the truth?

Some of them will do exactly what my mother did and beat that mouthy little brat senseless. Because that's how narcissists react to the truth. And insecure infertiles. And "parents" not secure in their parenthood because they KNOW it's just a few papers and signatures away from nothing at all.

HAPs, accept it now and save yourself years of turmoil. You will never truly be a parent unless you can reproduce on your own, and do so. You can take someone else's baby and pretend it's yours. It never will be, and EVERYONE involved already knows it, including the child. But you go ahead and pretend. And in forty years when you're cold in the ground, your adult child will track me down and ask for help dealing with all the trauma and loss you are so eager to contribute to. Because you don't give a shit how it affects the child, as long as you get one. Because you WANT to be a parent MORE THAN ANYTHING. And you're willing to do whatever you have to, including buying people and destroying families, to get it. And while the idea of a family losing a child saddens you, it doesn't sadden you enough use that money to help the family keep the child, because that's the one you're paying for!!! It cuts into your "adoption fund" and takes an "adoptable child" off the market if you do the right thing and help preserve a family.

Besides, HAPs aren't concerned about doing the right thing, or any family except the one they're so desperate to "build for themselves". They don't care who suffers as long as they "get their baby". They don't even care if it's the baby who suffers, as long as their tortuous desire to "be a parent" is sated. They don't care about the damage from their "pre birth matching" as long as they're matched. They don't care that severing the maternal/infant bond causes developmental trauma (most of them won't even accept the trauma exists), as long as they get to "bond" with the infant (a bond that, in most cases, only they feel). They don't care if they damn a child to a lifetime in an emotional desert, as long as THEY don't have to live in one anymore.

HAPs say they just want to love a child. Yet they are insistent on newborns, on finding an expectant mother so they can take a womb-wet one, thus playing an integral role in the infliction of developmental trauma. If they want to love a child, why would they insist upon the emotional destruction of said child? Why must a child leave its family and abandon its identity to receive this "love" they're so eager to give? Why can they only love a child after talking possession of it?

HAPs say they just want to help a child. What they seem to mean it's they want to help themselves TO a child. If they really wanted to help a child they would help a child stay where it belongs, with blood kin. 

The only thing HAPs consistently have to offer a child is more trauma than the child had before the HAPs entered its life.

Get a dog. Or a bird. African Grays are eternal toddlers and live longer than most people. You can teach them to talk, and they'll never grow up and realize they were trafficked like livestock to fill the selfish needs of empty people.


  1. I read a lot of your posts, Julie. Question: how do you feel about abandoned babies being adopted?

  2. Would love to see your response to above.
    I am a mom with three bio kiddos who wants to adopt. Because there are babies whose moms do choose not to raise them. It isn't out of a desire to become a MOM because I am one already without adoption. It's because I've experienced kiddos in foster care, who don't have anyone willing to commit to loving them through the brokenness. Am I selfish or wrong to want this? I absolutely hear you and I am so sorry for your experience, and do think it's sadly fairly common. But, is there a way to get this right? Or at least right in light of the circumstances? (Know this is coming from a wanting to get this right and not cause more harm momma- not any way defensive or angry)


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