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I'm Not Angry, I'm Just Honest

The truth is a harsh mistress who spares no one the wrath of her convictions. She minces no words and allows no subterfuge. She doesn't care about your feelings or what you think of her. She holds everyone to the same exacting standards. Only standing with her are we all equal. And the only people who take an issue with that are those who fall short of those standards. Those who choose to live lies.

I live in the truth. It is not pretty, soft, or comfortable. It's hard, cold, and unforgiving. I am constantly assaulted by facts I'd rather not see. Emotions I'd rather not feel. Truths that are so invariably ugly that some days I wish I could be blind again.I wish for the comfortable, woolly brainwash that goes along with "adoption is a beautiful thing". 

Really, do you think I ENJOY knowing what I know? Do you think I like having to defend myself against the irate attacks and verbal abuse I get daily? From FELLOW ADOPTEES WHO FEEL THE WAY I FELT ONLY SIX MONTHS AGO, no less? Do you think I don't recognize, envy, and miss the comfort your lies give you?

I'm not angry. I'm awake. I'm aware. And for the first time in my life, it's painfully clear.

What was done to us was wrong.

What was done to ALL of us is wrong.

What continues to happen children daily is wrong.

I'm not angry. Angry on me is WAY harsher. WAY more violent. Think ballistic missiles, not online chat. When I stop talking... that's when you worry. 

You can stop assuming all adoptees who are against adoption are angry. The biggest thing that makes us angry is a bunch of stupid fucking people assuming already are.

I am against adoption because it's wrong. The whole institution is wrong. Everything done within the borders of adoptionland is wrong. It's wrong to take people's kids. It's wrong to pretend they're yours. It's wrong to change their identities. Every. Fucking. Step. Is. Wrong. Adoption is nothing short of child trafficking, and if you disagree with that statement, you're wrong too.

I'm not against adoption because I'm angry. I'm against adoption because it turns people into monsters and children into commodities. I'm not against adoption because I "had a bad experience". You don't get to dismiss us just because our lives weren't as perfect as yours. You don't have the right to argue or assume. Because WE are the ones who know. Not APs. Not bioparents. Not even fogged, "happy" adoptees. 

WE are the ones who own our trauma. WE are the ones who see the truth. And WE are the ones brave enough to voice it.

You don't even have the balls to look at it. So you don't get have an opinion.

If you think I'm angry now, wait till I actually get that way.


  1. Sadly, I totally understand and agree. No matter what Bmoms say, if they were old enough to have sex, they were old enough to take responsibility---most kids are taught how babies are made by the time they are 12. It's totally repugnant when they expect us, their babies they conveniently threw away, to nurture them and "understand their pain." Right.... Stay strong. Speak your truth. The Bmoms need to hear it, absorb it and own it. Oh, and how sad is it to have to have the caveat: blah, blah, blah. Methinks if they are getting upset, then you've spoken truth and they know it. :)

  2. I agree 100%. Growing up with a secret identity is wrong. Severing a newborn from it's entire family is wrong. There is no reason to change a child's identity in order for that child to be loved and cared for.

    If adoptive parents truly loved the children they adopt, they would never do these terrible things to them. They would not stand for it. Adoptive parents love themselves much more than they love the children they adopt. That is not love at all.

  3. You are my hero! I wish I could verbalize how I feel like this. Thank you for being so honest!

  4. Love, love, love!!! Yes, yes, yes!!!

  5. My understanding at this point is that relinquishment and adoption were originally intended to be a punishment for unwed mothers and their illegitimate babies. The mothers were incerated in maternity homes that resembled prisons where they could be rehabilitated. They were labeled female sexual delinquents. Lifelong separation from their child--never knowing if their offspring was dead or alive --resembles the plight of a mother whose child is kidnapped. It is psychological torture and the social workers knew it. Still birthmothers were punished for what they did.

    Being the actual "social problem" in the flesh, we were punished too. We were not punished for what we did. We are punished for what we are. Historically other groups were/are too. African Americans were barred from restaurants, universities, and social clubs--not for what they did but for their race. Women face discrimination because of their gender. Adoptees usually face discrimination because of their birth status (a type of discrimination acknowledged only in 194/195 countries in the UN.). Groups that face discrimination are labeled with a vulgar name. Racial slurs like Mick, gator bait, etc. Gender slurs like hoe and cunt. Birth status vulgarities like bastard. We are barred or banished from our natural families and kin. A Texas judge ruled that banishing two convicted adult pedophiles was cruel, inhumane, antiquated, and Unconstitutional. But it's okay for newborns earmarked for adoption. Banishment was also okay for the bipolar Korean-American adoptee with a petty crimes rap sheet. It was a death sentence for him. That is the antiquated and cruel aspect of banishment. Hey he was adopted. That is what we do to them. They don't feel things the way other people do.


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