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Don't Defend Adoption To Me

Don't defend adoption to me.

I acknowledge your positive experiences, adoptees. I acknowledge that your family was beautiful. I'm glad your mother loved you. I'm glad your father was present. I'm happy for you that you were adopted by emotionally well people who gave you a well adjusted life. Congratulations.

But don't defend adoption to me. Defend your family, yes. Defend your quality of life, I accept that. Defend your familial bond, by all means. But don't defend the institution of adoption because you got lucky in that system. Adoption did you no favors. The people who adopted you did you the favors. Adoption isn't responsible for your happy life, your family is.

Why are you giving the institution of adoption the credit for your good life? Your family are the people who gave you that life. All the institution of adoption did was hand you over to some people and count its cash, assuming the people it gave you to would do a good job raising you. Those people deserve that credit and adulation. Not the institution of adoption.

The institution of adoption used us for its own gain. It shuffled us around like puppies in a puppy mill, waiting for the right pile of cash walk through the door. None of our adoptions were free. Never once out of the goodness of adoption's heart did it ever place a child anywhere. Because adoption doesn't have a heart, it has a governmental department and a bank account.

So don't defend adoption to me. I'm not like you. I didn't pull a lucky card. You got an ace. I got a four. My life wasn't wonderful. You got sunshine and rainbows. I got razors and nails. Adoption did this to both of us just the same.

And you want tell me how grateful you are you're adopted. So you're grateful that your biological mothers were taken from you either through coercion or their own choice. You're grateful that your history was erased, that your biological familial connections severed. Your siblings hidden from you or negated altogether. You're grateful that you've been lied to about your history. Or is it the life you missed out on that you're grateful to  adoption for?

You're not grateful to adoption for anything. You're grateful for your luck. and getting great parents.

So don't defend adoption to me.


  1. Too true and we were taken for a purpose once slaves had to be paid, I was to be a companion to a biological child who assaulted me from earliest memory . I was raided to be quiet and obedient and to care for the woman who owned me and manipulated me...dumped me in gutter outside valley police age 14 one winter night because her friends 15 yo adopted daughter gave her a grandchild to support and she was scared she'd do the same even though I was a virgin. Got a Medical degree approval of family who sided with my husband when he abused me..on DSP and had benevolent society tell me to feel Greatful.

    1. I'm sorry you went through all that. I really hope you can find some peace. I think that's what we're all looking for.


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