Skip to main content

Relinquisher Fragility

I would call it birth parent fragility, but unlike adoptive mothers and fathers and relinquishing mothers, I've never had a relinquishing father go off the deep end demanding I seek therapy, stop trolling, or calling me an adoption industry sympathizer. So let's put the focus where it belongs today. Birth mother fragility.

Yeah. You're fragile little broken flowers. Poor pathetic victims that "lost" your children. Never mind your responsibility in either their creation or putting yourself into a situation of "losing" them. 

That's right, I'm going to hold you responsible for that night in the back seat where mindless teen hormones overcame your better judgement. I'm going to hold you responsible for allowing yourself to be manipulated into a maternity home. I'm going to hold you responsible for staying. I'm going to hold you responsible for caving. I'm going to hold you responsible for being unwilling or unable to do whatever it took to keep your child from being "stolen". So you were strapped down and drugged. So what? That was for a few hours or a few days, at most a few weeks. Pregnancy lasts ten months. So sing me another song about your "choices".

Just because you feel you don't have a choice, does not necessarily mean you don't have one. Maybe you weren't smart enough to see it, or too weak and cow-towed to make it. That doesn't change the fact that the choice was there.

So you keep on whining about your lack of choice, and I and like minded individuals will continue to call you out as the cowardly selfish Bitter Birth Bitches that you are.

And you're so very sad that when these things are pointed out, viciousness and lies spew forth from your pathetic mouths. Adoptees who don't parrot your narrative are "bitter", "angry", and "just had a bad experience". We are "crazy". We are "abusive". We are "gaslighting you". (That's rich, btw... US gaslighting YOU?) We are "vile adoption industry sympathizers" who "just enjoy violating our space and hurting broken mothers". Our "cruelty knows no bounds".

All this because I insist there is ALWAYS a choice, whether you see it or not.

Then they lie about you in their little groups, spreading the slander as far as they can. Trying to get you removed from social media when you call them out on their bullshit. Referring to you as though you are a child or less than human. (I.E. referring to an obviously fully grown adult as "young lady" or "this gal".) They say they don't silence and block adoptees... So do you want to explain to me the missing comments and double digits of adoptees on my list that can't view your pages? You say you advocate for adoptee rights, but all I see from you is defensiveness, whining and blogs about relinquishers pain, and complaints about "bitter, angry adoptees" who "sabotage our efforts" with their "vile, poisonous versions of reality"?

That's right. I watch you. I see the shit you spew when you think we're not looking. And just like you fucking sour relinquishers have tried to infiltrate every area of "adoptee space", we've infiltrated your "private" rooms as well. We see your nasty hurtful shit. And we see you complaining about the "hurtful" things we say in our private rooms. 

You're watching? Yeah, we know, because we're watching you watch us. We're watching you sabotage our efforts and stab our backs because adoptee-centric reform doesn't center enough on relinquisher desires.

I know about the adoptee work you've torpedoed. I know about the successful campaigns you've ruined. I see you, Bitter Birth Bitches.

It's not about you, and it NEVER has been. You know it. The only reason anyone gives a fuck about you is because you spat someone out of your vagina that you couldn't be troubled to fight for or parent.

You're off the pedestal. Come taste the shit you helped create.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Dismissive Language: Tone Policing and Other Damaging Habits

Dismissive tactics are fairly well understood, especially in social justice and debate circles. In the adoption arena, however, these tactics take on a willful blindness and venom which is truly disturbing. Let's explore some of the most commonly used phrases.

"Not all adoptions are the same."
"What if the mother won't parent?"
"Well what do you suggest, then?"
"I'm sorry you had a bad experience, but..."

Really, I could fill a blog with "phrases commonly used to dismiss anyone who has anything negative to say about adoption" but I won't waste my time or yours reiterating that familiar drivel. We all know the phrases. We've all been told we "just had a bad experience".  We all have experience with those that dismiss because they don't like our tone.

Dismiss being the key word. Phrases like "not all...", "what if...", angry, bitter, bad experience, and "can't we all be nice to eac…

Sibling Connection

I was robbed of the connections that belonged to me. The connection to my blood, my biology, and the life I should have had were severed by my mother when she chose to abandon me with my father. She had already taken one sibling from me at that point, my older sister, relinquished at three years old, not too long before I came along. She would go on to take eight more; the six she passed out to her friends as they came out of her, like litter after litter of unwanted kittens, and the two my father kept. He would have kept me, too, had my mother not effectively ostracized him from his family with her habits and then abandoned him with a four month old baby. On her side, eight children scattered to six different families... no chance for connection there.

But with my father's side, I will always feel the missed opportunity. I will always believe there was a chance in the pages somewhere with them that was missed. Part of me will always feel like I blew it with my honesty. You see, I …

Adoptive Parent Fragility

I'm curious, how do you expect to raise an adoptee when you can't even handle talking to one online?

Really. Riddle me this, because I want to know. Let's say, for sake of argument, I put forth the theory that an AP feels more bonded to their adoptee than the adoptee feels to them. I suggest that it's possible that, as most of us do, the adoptee is afraid to share any unhappiness they may feel. That they are subverting that unhappiness to soothe the AP. Adoptees are notorious people pleasers and often do live in terror of displeasing APs. I suggest that, when asked, an adoptee is likely to lie about their detachment, so as not to disappoint the AP and out of fear of rejection.

Some APs take advantage of his level of depth and openness to examine their own families and consider ways ways to solidify their attachments to their adoptees.


Fragile APs will insist they know how their children feel. "MY child is bonded with ME," they'll say. "I can FEEL it.&qu…